


Four Lives Himawari Might Lead (And One She Probably Doesn't)

by wingdance



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-05
Updated: 2006-04-05
Packaged: 2017-10-19 18:05:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/203751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingdance/pseuds/wingdance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Does what it says on the title. Written way before we actually found out what was up with Himawari.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Lives Himawari Might Lead (And One She Probably Doesn't)

1.

"Go away," Himawari had said, her voice broken into shattering, shining, bloody pieces. It was the voice of someone who had been through too much when they felt they didn't deserve it, someone who was tired of life and desperate to make things better because she was too scared to actually die. There was a circle and candles everywhere, and the last time she had looked in a mirror, there was no way she had looked as bad as Himawari looked now.

 _She_ (because she knew she was female even if she wasn't quite sure what she was) was terribly confused, because her memories up until now had a sort of 'we' quality, but her current thoughts were all 'I'. She tried to speak. "Excuse me?"

"Go _away_ ," Himawari said, now more desperate than any attempt at commanding. "God, what do I have to do to get rid of my magic!? The witch said this would work, she _said_ it would _work_ , dammit!"

The girl took a step back, frightened. "I don’t understand. Why are we separate? What's happened?"

Himawari fell to the floor and began crying, and the girl just left the room, scared. Ever since Himawari was little, the girl knew, she had seen ghosts. Terribly frightening ghosts, and while the girl had liked some of them and wanted to know more, Himawari had been terrified. Their parents had sent them to a psychiatrist more than once, but no amount of drugs could get rid of the things they saw. Finally, Himawari had found a witch who promised to... no, it was impossible.

They had lived their entire life with magic, it was a part of them.

Until now, when Himawari had coldly gotten rid of this thing that was a part of her and set it out on its own.

The girl ran, as fast as she could, without tiring. She was no longer any part human and she knew that, so the spirits did not bother her. Pure spirit was not as powerful or as tempting without a human shell. It was the bland mortal casing that held such a beautiful, immortal spark that attracting the _things_. The girl wished that Himawari had known that, known they would both be safe, but the truth was that Himawari had been hoping for her magic to be completely destroyed.

She ran faster.

The first thing she asked was for the witch to put them back together, because this separation was painful and unbearable. No one looked at her or saw her, and it gave her more sorrow than she could stand.

The witch said that the prior wish had priority.

So the girl asked what else she could do.

Carefully, she took an item of clothing from this place or that, mostly slightly torn or discolored items that had been discarded, that could be fixed but whose owners were too lazy to do so. Then she found a house whose owner was old, senile, and in need of attention. She spent a little of herself to make the old man think that his granddaughter would be coming soon, to stay and take care of him.

She used more of herself so that humans could see her, then spent hours and hours carefully building up a basic past of memories that intertwined with her real ones, before erasing those parts that would make her question herself.

When she was finally done, she stood up and left the room to go make dinner for her grandfather. The kitchen was mostly empty, so she found him and asked if she could go shopping.

"Of course, dear," he said, walking slowly to his room to get his wallet. He paused in his ambling and grimaced. "You know how my memory is, and I'm sorry to have to ask, but which granddaughter are you?"

"It's not a problem, grandpa, I understand," she said cheerfully. "I'm Himawari Kunogi, Saya's daughter, remember?"

"Oh, of course," he replied.

And if Himawari thought her name felt a little off and not _quite_ her own, she ignored it. Because, honestly, what a silly idea!

* * *

2.

"You're going to be a wonderful mage," her mother said to her, beaming proudly. Magic ran in the male line of the family, and her mother was so proud that she had born a girl who could work in the family business.

"You're going to be a wonderful wife," Takeshi whispered before he kissed her. She backed away and smiled prettily, still too shy to kiss him even though he was her fiancé. Ah well, one had to expect that in relations between a great mage and a silly and beautiful girl with notions of being a mage.

"You're going to be a wonderful mother," her best friend said, stealing glances at Takeshi whenever she thought no one was looking. She was jealous of everything, of her power, of her looks, of the fiancé she had but didn't want. But she was still her best friend, because Himawari had no one else.

'Well,' Himawari thought as she snapped, her sheets weaving themselves together at her command, 'Reika can _have_ all of it.' Reika could only perform the most simple of spells, but that was more than most women could do. If Himawari left, Reika was the next best choice. And hey, if Reika's preferences ran towards bearing the children of a stuck-up, egotistical jerk, then she could have him.

Escaping ended up being more of a pain than she thought, since Himawari had forgotten that the outside walls were spelled against magic and the sheets had unwoven themselves a few moments after she began to climb down. Luckily, she managed to grab a tree branch, float down the rest of the way, and run out a side entrance to the main gate. The spells in the courtyard were meant to stop people from coming in with no regard to those who left, and even when her parents had (annoyingly quickly) realized what she was doing, they didn't have time to reorient the spells until she was already out. And once outside of the main gate, well, all she'd had to do was find a door and ask it to take her somewhere safe.

Himawari ended up in a slightly different dimension with the amusing realization that the only reason she hadn't needed to pay a ridiculous price to cross dimensions was that she hadn't actually meant to. It was easy enough to settle into this new version of Japan, whose magic was just as present but much quieter than in hers. The money was still the same, and she used hers to rent an apartment and buy some food. Since the world at large didn't seem to know that magic existed, mage children weren't exempt from regular school, and she enrolled in the local high school in order to seem normal.

And then, Himawari started living a normal life. Or, as much of one as possible. She warded herself and her apartment discreetly so that no spirits would notice her. She tried to do the same for Watanuki, the sweet boy who introduced himself to her as soon as she arrived at his school, but the wards simply wouldn't hold. She didn't bother too much, since the dimensional witch was obviously taking care of him, and the boy who repelled spirits simply by existing seemed to have a crush on him and spent as much time near Watanuki as possible without seeming stalkerish.

All in all, it was a very cute and refreshingly nice way to live, and if anything odd happened near her, well, Himawari chalked it up to Watanuki's presence. She never suspected that a minor and extremely subtle bad luck spell had followed her from home.

And she was completely surprised when Takeshi showed up and demanded that she come home with him.

* * *

3.

"Please be reasonable. You can't _actually_ make me leave."

Doumeki looked at her smiling, cheerful face, the face that seemed to fool everyone but him. Watanuki would go on and on about her darling face, her perfectly curled hair, her wonderful and welcoming demeanor, and Doumeki wanted to ask how he could miss seeing her calculating glances, her constant touch-and-tease manner as she pulled him closer before bouncing away. He couldn't talk, so he settled for glaring.

Kunogi, for her part, seemed to have dropped all pretense of being the adorable girl who went to school with him every day. She sat neatly in the center of the room, her hair down and curling on the floor, save for the parts that were reaching out and binding Doumeki against the wall. There was also hair stretching across his mouth and acting as a gag.

"I know how well you repel spirits, but I'm not a spirit. I'm a witch, and I've been in business for an extremely long time. I'm older than Yuuko-san, actually." She took a sip of her tea. "But please don't go around advertising that, it's flattering when people think I'm a teenager."

Kunogi flattened a crease in her blood red kimono and poured a second cup of tea. The hair holding Doumeki in place dragged him into a proper sitting position in front of her before releasing his arms and mouth, presumably so he could drink the cup that she was holding out to him.

He took it and tossed the cup in her face. The glass shattered an inch from her face, but some of the tea splattered on her face, and the rest of the drink and all the glass shards fell into her lap.

He knew his face looked calm, but inside, his skin crawled as Kunogi laughed and wiped off the liquid on her face with the sleeve of her kimono. "Ah well, I only wore this for dramatic effect anyway," she said fondly, and the clothing changed into her school uniform. "I'll tell you what, Doumeki-kun," Kunogi continued in that same fond tone, "I'll make a bargain with you. Whoever can get his soul first can keep it. Willingly given, of course. Forcing the soul out can't possibly be good for it, it would just be damaged, and then there's no point."

"Watanuki's soul is his to keep," Doumeki said, almost snarling. He was scared, and angry, and there was just no way he could be completely calm in a situation like this. "No bargain."

"I'm afraid," Kunogi said brightly, "that you have no choice." Her hair retreated and was suddenly bound in its usual pigtails, he fell to the floor, and before he could decide whether to fight or run or just be calmly paralyzed with panic, something shifted.

Kunogi looked down at him, worried, and Doumeki wondered what the hell he was doing on the floor. "Ah. Kunogi?"

"Doumeki-kun, I was so concerned!" She backed away so that he could sit up. "Are you okay?"

"What happened?" He had a headache, and parts of his body felt oddly sore.

"You tripped and your head hit the tea cup. I was so worried, I was about to call an ambulance!"

"I'm fine." Except for the headache that was rapidly turning into a migraine. "I'll pay for the cup."

"Oh, please, don't worry about it. Do you need me to walk you home?" Her expression was creeping him out for some reason, but he sternly told himself that just because Watanuki liked _her_ and not _him_ , there was no reason to dislike her.

"No, I'm fine. I'll see you in school tomorrow." She nodded brightly and walked him to the door.

It wasn't until he was going to sleep that night that he remembered that although he'd had a headache, his head hadn't actually hurt as if he had hit it, and he couldn't think of any reason why he had been at Kunogi's in the first place.

* * *

4.

Himawari couldn't remember her real name anymore, and that was the entire problem. Her master held her name, out of reach, out of memory. She had no rights, barely any humanity, and wasn't allowed to call her master anything but 'Master'. The title became a name in and of itself, but he would take that away from her too if he knew, because any kind of name is a kind of power over that person.

"And how is our darling Kimihiro today, hm?" he asked her, stroking her hair delicately. She was grateful that she was only a doll to him, something to watch and use from afar. She had seen what he did to people whom he regarded as somewhat human. She had to repress a shudder just from thinking about the last poor woman.

"He's well," Himawari answered. ' _I_ am speaking to him,' she thought, holding onto her false name with everything she had. 'Himawari is speaking to him.' "I heard him talking to Doumeki about his love for me."

"Good," her master said, grinning sickeningly. "Keep at it, my love. Are there any problems?"

His ownership forced the words out of her, but she didn't try to hold them in. It would only make them seem even more suspicious. "I believe that Doumeki is more perceptive that you think he is." He had already noticed that she tried not to spend time near him (her master thought his odd ability to repel spirits might weaken her bondage, and had ordered her to stay away from Doumeki as much as possible,) and seemed to constantly try to distract Watanuki's thoughts from her.

"You dare to tell me what to think," he yelled at her, emphasizing his anger with a sudden burst of wind through the windows. Himawari stood completely and hid her relief as the wind blew around her. If he was angry, he wouldn't take her seriously.

"No, master, of course not," she said blandly, doll-like, as he preferred her. "I would never presume to do so. I meant to say that I may have been underestimating him." She meant no such thing, but she only had to tell the truth when he demanded her to tell him something. He hadn't discovered that loophole, so she kept any lies simple and small.

He calmed down. "Of course not, my love. You're such a good girl." She sometimes thought that he had completely forgotten that she had ever been something like a human. "Go to your room and rest. I'll be eating alone tonight, so tell one of the shikigami when you're hungry."

She bowed deeply. "Yes, master."

As she walked back to her room, Himawari chanted mentally, over and over, 'I am Himawari Kunogi. He is my master.' If she could just make herself believe those were their true names, she had a chance at breaking his hold over her. She just hoped she could do it before her master had Watanuki in his grasp. The boy was very kind, if a bit of a spaz.

'At least,' she thought, breaking from her chant for a moment, 'if Watanuki dies, I can probably rely on someone becoming angry, and maybe my master will be killed in the backlash.'

* * *

5.

"I'm leaving!" Himawari called out as she left for school.

"Have a safe trip!" her mother called back from the kitchen. She was getting ready for work, which started later than Himawari's school did, but tended to require a lot of overtime work. Himawari smiled down at the bento she's carrying, store-bought by a loving mother who didn't have time to make one. She'd told Himawari that all the work is to make sure they can pay for her university expenses, and she would do less hours once they had enough money put away. In return, Himawari worked as hard as she could in school in the hope that she could earn a scholarship and the extra money could be used to fix up the house.

"Himawari-chaaaan!" Himawari smiled as Watanuki waves ecstatically at her, and Doumeki simply sort of... nodded slightly. She had had a crush on Doumeki a few years ago, confessed in private, and was turned down. It had hurt a bit at the time, but the crush faded in time. She sometimes wished she could love Watanuki in that way, since he so obviously had feelings for her, but she simply thought of him as a good friend and nothing else. Anyway, until he confessed his feelings plainly, she pretended not to notice.

"Doumeki-kun, Watanuki-kun. You're certainly energetic today!"

"His boss gave him the day off."

"That's right!" Watanuki's happiness suddenly turned into some sort of indignant fury. "That horrible Yuuko-san is leaving me alone for a few days."

"Hm? How come?" Himawari asked as they started walking toward the school. "Doesn't she have customers to tend to?"

"She says she doesn't expect any for a few days. She's visiting an old friend, some brat with glasses."

Himawari nodded, then grinned and began looking through her bag. "I almost forgot! My mom gave me some peanut butter cookies the other day, but she forgot that I'm allergic to peanuts. Would you like some?"

"Yes, of course! Anything your mother made for you lovingly and caringly I will gladly accept!"

"Actually, she bought them," Himawari replied easily as she handed him one of the bags.

"Eh," he said, obviously cut off. He tried to recover by saying, "Your wonderful mother at least thought of buying you obviously high quality-" and before she could tell him she'd gotten them from a convenience store, "-you're giving some to Doumeki too!?"

"Of course!" She smiled brightly at him, but wished privately that he would stop be annoying about it. His jealousy was cute, but if he wouldn't confess to her properly, he didn't really have a right to be jealous in the first place. Still, telling him that would break the poor dear's heart, so she kept quiet.

"Himawari-chan, are you free to walk home with us today?"

'Us' meant Doumeki would already be going home with him, so she shook her head. "Nope! Sorry, I've got tutoring in science." His worst subject, so he couldn't offer to tutor her himself. Himawari had been very carefully trying to get Doumeki and Watanuki to spend as much time together and alone as possible, ever since Yuuko had hinted to her privately that Doumeki had feelings for Watanuki. They would make an adorable couple.

Watanuki chattered on, and Himawari happily held up the other end of the conversation, asking questions and making comments in the right places so that Watanuki would get to talk as much as he wanted. Whenever he got to a topic that was truly depressing or annoying for Watanuki, Doumeki would say something that would enrage Watanuki and get him to focus his attention elsewhere.

'Really,' Himawari thought as they entered school grounds, 'I'm not sure life could be any better than this. I'm so lucky to have such wonderful people as my friends.'


End file.
